Yin and Yang

"Don't talk to me! I read your file and I know what you do!"

The young Asian immigration agent scolded me as I explained to him that I don't get to see my mom often. Anger and hatred were written all over his face. To him, I was that 16 year old who had committed the crimes 20 years ago. Somehow, the pain and trauma that I caused him blinded his ability to see beyond that 16 year old who had victimized him. I don't blame him because I understand that he hasn't let go of the suffering. He didn't do anything to warrant the victimization from me. Just like any rape victim, it's not her fault. When a victim doesn't take active steps to confront his suffering, it'll stay with him for life. He has to seek help to heal himself so he can free himself from further mental victimization. Letting go doesn't mean forgetting. It means forgiving the self and healing the self.

* * * * *

"I don't know why I'm crying, but when I saw you I just started to cry," the young Asian lady dried her tears as she spoke to me through the telephone over plexiglass. Compassion and kindness were exuding from her eyes. She read about my case on the Internet and felt compelled to show up to attend my hearing. She expressed her concerns and offered to help. She had the ability to look at the life of the 36-year-old man.